The 3 Great Ones
Sonny in Bronx Tale told his gangster protege' C that just like heavyweight fighters only 3 great women will come into your life during your time on this Earth. It sounded cool in the movie but that is some bulls#!t, at least I hope so because I've already had 3 great ones. I can call them great because I still have love for all three of them. Instead of taking bitterness and anger away from those situations, I learned some things about myself and I better understand what I'm looking for in the woman who could one day make me settle down. The names and faces have been changed to protect the innocent.
Jill was my first love, and as much as I hate to say this she is the woman that every other woman has to measure up to. She had me so open it was a shame. I know everyone says this of thier first love but what we had was really special. I actually wrote this woman letters not e-mails actual letters. I could talk to her for hours on end about nothing at all, and no woman could kiss like her. Unfortunately we were trying to maintain this love over a long distance. I found out a long time after the realtionship was over that this was very hard on her. I learned from her that if you love someone you should not leave any room for doubt but not so much that you begin to make a fool of yourself, and that you cannot make anyone love you.
Kenya was so incredible because, I could really be myself around her. Within our relationship we forged an incredibly strong friendship. We could laugh and talk about the dumbest things and still be cool. Sometimes we would just sit on the stoop of her apartment and eat Rally's hamburgers and talk about what was going on in our lives. I loved her very much but she was younger than me and while I was happy with what we had, I could not give her what she needed. She wanted to experience life without being bound by a relationship, and there was nothing I could do to make her happy. I know it sounds pesimmistic, but I learned from her that sometimes love really is not enough to keep two people together.
Rosario drove me crazy because we were so different. I like being around people and she seemed to hate it sometimes. I am a night owl and she was a morning person. That said I know during our relationship she loved me more than Jill & Kenya combined. She was there for me thru losing two jobs and my grandmother passing away. Despite the fact that she was a 4th year medical student, she would find time to make me dinner more times than I deserved. The thing she never understood about me was how much I value my friends, and a lot of times she was resentful of this especially when those friends were of the opposite sex. I learned from her that the woman in your life has to be able to get along with your friends, and that at this point in my life I'm not going to change who I am for anyone and I can't expect anyone to change for me.
Jill was my first love, and as much as I hate to say this she is the woman that every other woman has to measure up to. She had me so open it was a shame. I know everyone says this of thier first love but what we had was really special. I actually wrote this woman letters not e-mails actual letters. I could talk to her for hours on end about nothing at all, and no woman could kiss like her. Unfortunately we were trying to maintain this love over a long distance. I found out a long time after the realtionship was over that this was very hard on her. I learned from her that if you love someone you should not leave any room for doubt but not so much that you begin to make a fool of yourself, and that you cannot make anyone love you.
Kenya was so incredible because, I could really be myself around her. Within our relationship we forged an incredibly strong friendship. We could laugh and talk about the dumbest things and still be cool. Sometimes we would just sit on the stoop of her apartment and eat Rally's hamburgers and talk about what was going on in our lives. I loved her very much but she was younger than me and while I was happy with what we had, I could not give her what she needed. She wanted to experience life without being bound by a relationship, and there was nothing I could do to make her happy. I know it sounds pesimmistic, but I learned from her that sometimes love really is not enough to keep two people together.
Rosario drove me crazy because we were so different. I like being around people and she seemed to hate it sometimes. I am a night owl and she was a morning person. That said I know during our relationship she loved me more than Jill & Kenya combined. She was there for me thru losing two jobs and my grandmother passing away. Despite the fact that she was a 4th year medical student, she would find time to make me dinner more times than I deserved. The thing she never understood about me was how much I value my friends, and a lot of times she was resentful of this especially when those friends were of the opposite sex. I learned from her that the woman in your life has to be able to get along with your friends, and that at this point in my life I'm not going to change who I am for anyone and I can't expect anyone to change for me.
posted by J.MOORE at 11:25 AM
2 Comments:
J!! It’s good to know that we all can learn something from our good and bad experiences in our relationships. I do want to comment specifically on the last scenario with "Rosario"...just because I have first hand experience being the woman in her shoes.
When you have a significant other who has a lot of friends of the opposite sex, I myself believe the issue is not so much that they have those friends, but when all the chips are down, who comes first? When you are in a relationship with somebody, you begin to let your guard down...so you need to know that the other person recognizes and values that.
There are some people who can't seem to differentiate their friends (esp. the ones of the opposite sex) from their significant other...and there is an obvious difference in the nature of the relationship. These are people who are constantly putting the needs of ALL their friends (and it usually tends to be of the opposite sex) before their boyfriend or girlfriend...for whatever reason. In my experience these are people who make better friends than committed partners. Though change should never be forced onto another person...each person should look within themselves and acknowledge that, in a change in a relationship (i.e. going from friends to dating), is going to eventually require a change within self.
i say all of this within good reason, of course. you have to be flexible and remember that all the great qualities you see in this person, that all of his/her friends see them as well. you should never expect your significant other to drop all their male or female friends b/c they are in a relationship with you. but you should expect that they always put a real effort forth to show you are the most special...and that principle goes both ways. if not, why are you in the relationship in the first place?
i know that in your situation with "Rosario", you did all you could to show her she was number one. at that point, it definitely became an issue she has to address within herself.
I just had to give the other side tho…you feel me? :)
good post my dude. In a later F2F I'd like to sit down with you and explore this further (also to see if I can ID these ladies' respective true identities).
Lastly as a newlywed 2 years into the game, allow me to share this with you...your relationship with your sig other is a journey of growth; with respect to understanding that not only he/she will grow and change, but you also will grown and change; and how well do the both of you cope with that change...and are you growing together?
That being said, continue to do you and always K.I.M.
1-Million
b
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