Some Of My Best Friends Are....

I watched the series Black & White on FX from start to finish, and other than the white family’s daughter Rose, I found all of the participants useless and annoying. First of all, the black families mother was not convincing as white, she looked like one of the mothers from my chapter of Jack & Jill. Both of the fathers were so intent on seeing it their way they came away with nothing. I don’t understand why they gave the white family’s mother such a terrible looking afro wig. Let’s be real in America most Black women have perms, relaxers and weaves. Nick by far was the most annoying person on the show for more reasons than I care to type about. The show was a ratings winner so hopefully they research the personalities a little better for next season.

I’m a generation removed from state sponsored racism, but I do understand there is still racism in 2006. My generation’s experiences with everyday racist moments come more from white people’s general ignorance of black people and not mean spiritedness. Just like in real life a lot of the misunderstandings and arguments on the show Black & White came about by this racism fueled by ignorance. About six people read this blog, 2 maybe 3 of them are white. So for their benefit, here are a few things that depending on where you are will deter you from an uncomfortable racial situation and/or keep you from getting your ass beat.

If you are about to make a statement that starts off “I don’t mean to sound racist”, you are about to say something racist. It’s sort of like when an athlete goes on television and starts out his statement “It’s not about the money”. When you hear that 99 percent of the time it is about the money.

Chris Rock covered this several years ago, but do not comment on how well we speak.

Don’t change how you speak when you are talking to one of us. If you don’t use hip-hop slang around your friends please don’t talk to one of us like we are on 106 & Park. (BET’s version of TRL) It is incredibly condescending for you to greet everyone else with a “hello how are you doing” and then greet one of us with “hey homey what’s the deely yo”. While were on this, stop saying anything that ends in izzle. This sounds stupid to begin with, but really white people this goes double for you.

Do not bring up O.J. Simpson, just don’t.

If you meet a person with mostly European features (see Maya Rudolph) don’t ask them what they are. Most light skinned black people hate having their blackness questioned.

Stop trying to make a case for Eminem as the greatest rapper of all time.

It is not flattering to tell any of us that we are not like other black people. The only people who are happy to hear something like this are usually black conservatives who think that white people’s ice is colder. (See Jesse Lee Peterson & Armstrong Williams) What you are really saying is, because you are smart, well mannered and/or articulate you are an exception to the slow-witted, ignorant, unintelligent stereotypes that I have internalized, and have always believed to be true.

If you get into a jam, saying “some of my best friends are black” is not going to help you.

Do not ask to touch our hair, we are not at a muthfu%$ing petting zoo.

Last but not least, don’t ask why you can’t say the word nigga while some black people use it like it is their first name and no one seems to care. I don’t care if your into Hip-Hop, have a black wife, or are the best point guard in the western conference. You just can’t. I’ll be honest most black people cannot give you a good reason why this is, because there really is none. Just know in almost any context, you are setting yourself up for a potential ass beating, White people tend to replace the “a” with an “er”, which never has an endearing ring to it. Also every black person does not listen to rap music and watch the Dave Chappelle Show, so repeating lyrics and jokes is a minefield you may just want to steer clear of.