Things Every Man Needs

There are several things a grown man needs to successfully navigate the modern world such as a nice watch, a bank account and a decent pair of shoes. I feel that there are some less obvious and less tangible things that the modern man needs.

A Favorite Team
Nothing is more suspect than a man that never has a rooting interest when the post season rolls around. It is OK to not have one in every sport, because every sport does not appeal to every man. Sometimes you have to use the hometown default rule. I give less than a damn about the NHL, but I'm from St. Louis hence my favorite team is the St. Louis Blues. This does not apply to Soccer. Look we live in America, having a favorite soccer team is almost more suspect than having no favorite team at all.

A Female Friend
I'm talking about a real friend not just a girl that you have not had sex with. Sometimes you really need a woman's unbiased opinion on your life and relationships. I've always been critical of women who consult other women about men which is why when I'm having a real problem in my relationship I consult my sister circle. Not that your homies can’t dole out good counsel, but sometimes you need to hear something more constructive than "fu%k that b!tch lets go to the club".

A Video Game System
Video games are a waste of time and most wives and girlfriends hate them but who cares. Video games are the building block of male bonding for the N.E.S. generation, and if you don't know what N.E.S. stands you are already steps behind. Every man reading this under the age of say, 33 should know what u,u,d,d,l,r,l,r,b,a,start will do. Video games also cut down on the amount of dumb s#it we as men do. Wasting time playing Halo 2 & Madden Football takes away from the time that would other wise be wasted at strip clubs and at your wife's friend with DD’s house.

A Church Home
I don't mean to get all T.D. Jakes on everybody here, but this is really important even if you don't show up there except for Christmas, Easter, and every other Mother's Day. Sometimes after a night of heavy drinking and/or being in the company of loose women you tend to reflect on your life and your place in the universe. During this time you could be susceptible to anything that seems like an enlightened word. Sometimes this can turn out well, and you find your self with a new inner peace and direction. Unfortunately in the worst case scenario you may end up in the spiritual and financial care of a so-called man of faith who has no church and sells pre-paid legal on the side. Soon you find have not talked to any of your friends or family in months, you are handling snakes, and you are preparing kool aid for a special religious ceremony in a west African village. I'm not suggesting a specific church home, just that you have one.

A Good Relationship With Your Friend’s Wife
This is very important because wives can do something arguments over money, beer and politics cannot and that is end a friendship. Almost all of my close friends are married and once I knew they were getting married, I made an effort to be friends with their future wives if I wasn’t already. Once your buddy says, "I do" he and his wife become a package deal. If the only time you get to hang out with one of your good friends is when his wife goes out of town, she HATES you and you are not on the approved friends list.

A Friend To Bail You Out
Look, sometimes things happen and you find yourself in police custody. It happens to the best of us at least once, and in my case several times. If this happens you need someone who can hustle up between one hundred and five hundred dollars, and will come to get you out of jail no questions asked. There is a cap on this because if you really do something bad, only family should be asked to put up property.