Mandatory Sentences

Oh S#it, They Made A Video For This!!!

2007-01-23T19:47:00.000-06:00

This Is Not Megatron!!!

2006-12-13T20:29:00.000-06:00

A few months ago I posted that if Steven Spielberg s#!t on my childhood by releasing a wack live action version of the Transformers on July 4th, that I would find him and beat him up. Well information has been slowly leaking out about the movie, and from what I have seen it is about time for me to get back into ass beating shape. Somehow the filmakers on this project have ignored twenty-plus years source material and come with the foolishness you see on the left. Not only does this not look anything like any incarnation of Megatron, but they did not even make it look like a Transformer.

Since such disrespect has been shown to a franchise that a lot people my age are into, all bets are off. Below are some ideas I came up with to update some ideas for Hollywood consumption.

A remake of The Color Purple with an all Chinese cast set in Utah .

A movie version of Wonder Woman with Cuba Gooding Jr. as the lead.

In the next Batman movie, Batman should come out of the closet to get some of that brokeback money.

A new Rocky where he come back to fight at age 60 and...oh my bad.

An Aquaman movie with no scenes in the water or with him interacting with any fish

A Godzilla movie where he fights an evil super giraffe.

A remake of Brian's Song in which Gayle Sayers dies instead of Brian.

A re-telling of the Star Wars trilogy with ther Rebels characterized as terrorists.

Last but not least, Puerto Rican Superman.

I could go on like this all day, but I won't. Sony just released a restored double disc edition of the 1986 version of Transformers The Movie loaded with extras. If you are a fan check this out.

Ummmm No!

2006-11-13T23:56:00.000-06:00

I consider myself to be a fly individual but I understand that every trendy thing is not for me. That said there are some trendy things that are not for any man. One of those things is a man bag or murse. This is always unacceptable. If you need to carry anything else on your person other than your wallet, keys, or cell phone a purse shall not be used as means of transport. I does not matter who made it or sold it to you a purse is never to be carried. I don't care if you have to break out the old Jansport, if I see you with a purse you will be put on my list of suckas.

My case for Bo Jackson's entry into the NFL Hall Of Fame

2006-10-23T19:59:00.000-05:00

Bo Jackson - Tecmo Super Bowl Run

As much as I love the new High Definition multimedia virtual football experience that is Madden 2007, there is no finer example of video game football than Tecmo Super Bowl. In this game the feature back on the L.A. Raiders was Bo Jackson. In real life Bo only played in 38 games over 4 seasons and in those 38 games he scored a total of 18 touchdowns which would not in anyway qualify him for the Hall Of Fame. In videogame land he was the best running back ever. (yes, even better than Emmit Smith in the Genesis version of Madden 95) The only only real world stat that would explain how much credit the programmers gave Bo was his 6.8 yards per carry he averaged his rookie year. For perspective LaDainian Tomlinson is averaging 5.2 this season, and he can't even hit a curve ball.

Redbone Of The Month October

2006-10-09T01:38:00.000-05:00

I haven't given out the award for Redbone Of The Month in a while, because I want the award to go to woman who is not only good looking, but talented and classy. That is why this month's award goes to actress Paula Patton. I first noticed her in the movie Hitch, and more recently in the film Idlewild as Andre 3000's love interest. If you have VH-1 Soul, she is featured in her husband Robin Thicke's video for "Lost Without You". I really want to hate on this guy for taking this 10 off of the market but his album is pretty damn good, so I'll let it go.

Her next project is the Denzel Washington film Deja Vu. I predict this movie will be number one on it's opening weekend, and will bring in more than 100 million dollars. Why?, because Redbone of The Month Paula Patton is featured in the film.

Stop Paying Attention To This Whore

2006-09-23T00:51:00.000-05:00

Now when I call Madonna a whore or hoe as the kids say, I am not suggesting that she sells her body for money because as far as I know that just isn't true. I'm implying that she will do anything for attention regaurdles of how stupid or offensive. On her recent tour she has decided it would be a cool idea to hang herself on a big shiny cross in the middle of a concert. A lot of people are very angry about this. I am not one of them, and not because I hate Jesus, but because I hate artists who try and make political statements in the midst of a song and dance number. I didn't come here for this, sing "Material Girl" and get the f#%k off of the stage.

I am also annoyed at religious people who want to make a big deal of this. Jesus was just the most famous person to be crucified, but understand crucifixes were the electric chairs of thier day. There were criminals crucified before Jesus and they kept doing it after. If Jesus was killed in modern times, rappers would be wearing platinum electric chairs around thier necks.

Some Posts Write Themselves

2006-09-13T18:14:00.000-05:00

12 Items or less!!!

2006-08-21T23:47:00.000-05:00

I consider myself to be a pretty calm individual. To me getting angry about the things that happen in everyday life is a waste of my mental energy. That said there is one thing that I cannot get over, people who don't know how to use the automatic checkout at the grocery store.

I'm a staight up bachelor, so I never buy more than 15 dollars worth of food at a time. I know this sounds strange, but I'm also really cheap when it comes to buying food. I've figured out that if you don't buy junk food and you pay attention to your weekly circulars, you can feed yourself for a week on between 12 to 15 dollars. That said when I go to the grocery store I want to get in and get out, so I use the self check out lines that do not require me to even deal with a check out person. This should save time, but 50 percent of the time it winds up pro longing my stay at the store because these lines are like rest havens for the mentaly challenged. Below is a list of people who need to stick with traditional check out and perhaps wear helmets in public as not to incur any more brain inuries.

THE NON-READER: The directions in the self check out are not hard to follow if you can read, but if you want to see exactly where the public school system has failed a segment of America. You need to look no further than your local grocery store. What is really sad is that most of these terminals talk in both english and spanish. So most people who can't read also are unable to listen.

THE COMPUTER ILLITERATE: If you have never logged on to the internet or played minesweeper on a computer stay out of this line!!! I don't like discrimination of any kind, but when I see an old person in this line I know they are going to add an extra 5 minutes to my day. The worst is when one of these people have to figure out what to do when buying produce because that involves extra keystrokes and reading.

THE A$$HOLE: This is the person who knows how to use the self check out, but does not care that this line is usually for people with 12 items or less. There is a reason why the scales only hold so much. The worst thing about this is when somebody comes into the 12 items or less line with 150 dollars worth of groceries nobody who works at the grocery store will tell the person to get the hell out of line, so I have to risk getting into it with some mouth breather when all I wanted was some ground turkey and some bottled water.

Where My Killer Tape At?

2006-08-13T11:38:00.000-05:00

The most useless part of most modern Hip-Hop albums are the skits or interludes, but if you were a fan of the Wu-Tang Clan in the early 90's you know that this was not always true. This is one of my favorites from thier debut album. Someone added animation to it and it gave me a quick laugh.

The 3 Great Ones

2006-07-18T11:25:00.000-05:00

Sonny in Bronx Tale told his gangster protege' C that just like heavyweight fighters only 3 great women will come into your life during your time on this Earth. It sounded cool in the movie but that is some bulls#!t, at least I hope so because I've already had 3 great ones. I can call them great because I still have love for all three of them. Instead of taking bitterness and anger away from those situations, I learned some things about myself and I better understand what I'm looking for in the woman who could one day make me settle down. The names and faces have been changed to protect the innocent.

Jill was my first love, and as much as I hate to say this she is the woman that every other woman has to measure up to. She had me so open it was a shame. I know everyone says this of thier first love but what we had was really special. I actually wrote this woman letters not e-mails actual letters. I could talk to her for hours on end about nothing at all, and no woman could kiss like her. Unfortunately we were trying to maintain this love over a long distance. I found out a long time after the realtionship was over that this was very hard on her. I learned from her that if you love someone you should not leave any room for doubt but not so much that you begin to make a fool of yourself, and that you cannot make anyone love you.

Kenya was so incredible because, I could really be myself around her. Within our relationship we forged an incredibly strong friendship. We could laugh and talk about the dumbest things and still be cool. Sometimes we would just sit on the stoop of her apartment and eat Rally's hamburgers and talk about what was going on in our lives. I loved her very much but she was younger than me and while I was happy with what we had, I could not give her what she needed. She wanted to experience life without being bound by a relationship, and there was nothing I could do to make her happy. I know it sounds pesimmistic, but I learned from her that sometimes love really is not enough to keep two people together.

Rosario drove me crazy because we were so different. I like being around people and she seemed to hate it sometimes. I am a night owl and she was a morning person. That said I know during our relationship she loved me more than Jill & Kenya combined. She was there for me thru losing two jobs and my grandmother passing away. Despite the fact that she was a 4th year medical student, she would find time to make me dinner more times than I deserved. The thing she never understood about me was how much I value my friends, and a lot of times she was resentful of this especially when those friends were of the opposite sex. I learned from her that the woman in your life has to be able to get along with your friends, and that at this point in my life I'm not going to change who I am for anyone and I can't expect anyone to change for me.

Red Meat Is My Heroin

2006-07-08T03:07:00.000-05:00

In an attempt to be healthier as I approach 30, I have cut almost all red meat and pork out of my diet. I say almost because, I’m not yet strong enough to turn down a good barbeque. I can usually ease my meat fix by making myself turkey burgers and grilled chicken, but just like the crack did to Pookie sometimes real hamburgers be calling me. Today was one of those days. I was out and about minding my own business when one of the most notorious pushers in the game Rallys made me an offer I could not refuse, 2 double cheese burgers for 3 dollars. I started remembering all of the good times we had together back in the day, and Rallys used to know how to make me feel so good so I gave Rally’s my money and quickly came home so I have my fix. I told myself that I was going to only eat one of the burgers and save the other one for later, but it got so good to me that I killed both of them.

Shortly after my high wore off, I remembered why I had been avoiding the blocks where Rallys and his peoples slang their product. I was all of the sudden real sleepy, my stomach began to hurt, there was a dull pain in my shoulder, and I developed a headache. Despite all of this I kind of wish I had another burger.

Corrine Bailey Rae

2006-05-31T01:19:00.000-05:00

Music really sucks right now. I usually rant about the decline of Hip-Hop, but across the board there is really nothing that gets me excited right now except for Corrine Bailey Rae. She is a breath of fresh musical air from the U.K. that popped up on VH-1 Soul a couple of months ago. I thought she might be another act that the headwrap and backpack crowd might be overhyped about because she is already big overseas, but I got an advance of several tracks from her Capitol records debut and she is the real deal. She is like a more soulful Norah Jones who plays acoustic guitar instead of the piano, and honestly she is probably less likely to put you to sleep. She is big overseas, but considering in America female artists are defined by either Mary J. Blige or Mariah Carey it will be interesting to see how she is recieved. Her album will be in stores June 20th. If she winds becoming the next big thing, remember who told you about her first.

My Anti Crash Moment

2006-05-26T14:36:00.000-05:00

In the summer of 1992, my family was blessed with the opportunity to go to Spain for our summer vacation. My father had won some kind of corporate contest, and he and my mother got to go to Barcelona for the Olympics. Luckily they weren't like those negletful parents in 80's teen movies, so after they had kicked it over there for a week my sister and I flew and met them in Madrid. Since my dad had been building frequent flyer points for the better part of the 80's we flew over there first class for free.

As I'm settling into my first class seat and soaking in the almost suffocating hospitality, the white passenger in front of me turns around says "still in first huh?" What?, oh I get it Mr. White Man, you see a brother chilling in first class and he had to be bumbed up. I guess I can't pay for an internationl ticket(which I did not) like you, since you can't pay for plane tickets with food stamps. Luckily I said all of these things in my head before I reacted to the situation, because I had forgotten that I had on my Atlanta Braves hat. The guy was not a racsist, he was a baseball fan and yes the Braves were in first place. So I replied "yep still in first", he gave the thumbs up and did not bother me the rest of the flight. Relieved that I was not going to have to put up with his foolishness I ordered the chicken cor don bleu with lime sorbet for desert put on my Public Enemy tape and enjoyed the rest of my flight.

I Love The Dixie Chicks

2006-05-23T22:20:00.000-05:00

I don't like Country music, but I have mad love for the Dixie Chicks. A couple of years ago a member of the group said during a U.K. concert that she was ashamed to be from the same state as our current president. Since this statement was made the group has endured everything from being blacklisted on Country radio stations to death threats. Despite all of this, Natalie the member of the group that made the statement has not backed off of the statement, and her group members/friends have stood by her side.

I know Kanye West got on T.V. and said that "George Bush does not care about black people", but lets be real if you are a rapper you are not supposed like the president no matter who he is. If anything talking greasy about the president is what you supposed to do. 50 Cent rubbed a lot of people in the culture wrong when he said he respected the President's gangsta (style of doing business) the late Eazy-E caught a lot of heat for going to one of the President Bush 41's fundraisers, and my stomach turned when I saw LL Cool J asking President Clinton to throw his hands in the air during his second inauguration.

Country music on the other hand is supported by the Red State/Fox News crowd that thinks anyone who does not dismiss dinosaur fossils as leftist propaganda is siding with Al Queda. I know that, that is an unfair and sort of mean characterization of Country music fans, but you deserve it. The Dixie Chicks have the number one album in the nation by a mile, will have it again next week, and can't get thier songs played on the radio or on country music television. Thier current single has less than 4000 spins total, by comparison "Diamonds" the weakest performing song of off Kanye West's last album recieved 28,000. The same loud minority that has no problem paying 3 dollars for a gallon of gas as long as boys are not allowed to kiss is spending it's time calling program directors to keep the biggest selling music act this year from being on television or the radio. The country music fans that play the Dixie Chicks in thier cars with the windows rolled up are representative of this country's scared apathy when it comes to issues the loud minority considers treasonous.

I doubt many country fans will ever read this, but Dixie Chick fans STAND UP! Enjoying this group's music does not make you a bad American, it does not even mean you are co-signing any of thier opinions. Stop letting the people who listen to conservative talk radio all day determine what you get to listen to on your favorite music station.

Things Every Man Needs

2006-05-05T12:50:00.000-05:00

There are several things a grown man needs to successfully navigate the modern world such as a nice watch, a bank account and a decent pair of shoes. I feel that there are some less obvious and less tangible things that the modern man needs.

A Favorite Team
Nothing is more suspect than a man that never has a rooting interest when the post season rolls around. It is OK to not have one in every sport, because every sport does not appeal to every man. Sometimes you have to use the hometown default rule. I give less than a damn about the NHL, but I'm from St. Louis hence my favorite team is the St. Louis Blues. This does not apply to Soccer. Look we live in America, having a favorite soccer team is almost more suspect than having no favorite team at all.

A Female Friend
I'm talking about a real friend not just a girl that you have not had sex with. Sometimes you really need a woman's unbiased opinion on your life and relationships. I've always been critical of women who consult other women about men which is why when I'm having a real problem in my relationship I consult my sister circle. Not that your homies can’t dole out good counsel, but sometimes you need to hear something more constructive than "fu%k that b!tch lets go to the club".

A Video Game System
Video games are a waste of time and most wives and girlfriends hate them but who cares. Video games are the building block of male bonding for the N.E.S. generation, and if you don't know what N.E.S. stands you are already steps behind. Every man reading this under the age of say, 33 should know what u,u,d,d,l,r,l,r,b,a,start will do. Video games also cut down on the amount of dumb s#it we as men do. Wasting time playing Halo 2 & Madden Football takes away from the time that would other wise be wasted at strip clubs and at your wife's friend with DD’s house.

A Church Home
I don't mean to get all T.D. Jakes on everybody here, but this is really important even if you don't show up there except for Christmas, Easter, and every other Mother's Day. Sometimes after a night of heavy drinking and/or being in the company of loose women you tend to reflect on your life and your place in the universe. During this time you could be susceptible to anything that seems like an enlightened word. Sometimes this can turn out well, and you find your self with a new inner peace and direction. Unfortunately in the worst case scenario you may end up in the spiritual and financial care of a so-called man of faith who has no church and sells pre-paid legal on the side. Soon you find have not talked to any of your friends or family in months, you are handling snakes, and you are preparing kool aid for a special religious ceremony in a west African village. I'm not suggesting a specific church home, just that you have one.

A Good Relationship With Your Friend’s Wife
This is very important because wives can do something arguments over money, beer and politics cannot and that is end a friendship. Almost all of my close friends are married and once I knew they were getting married, I made an effort to be friends with their future wives if I wasn’t already. Once your buddy says, "I do" he and his wife become a package deal. If the only time you get to hang out with one of your good friends is when his wife goes out of town, she HATES you and you are not on the approved friends list.

A Friend To Bail You Out
Look, sometimes things happen and you find yourself in police custody. It happens to the best of us at least once, and in my case several times. If this happens you need someone who can hustle up between one hundred and five hundred dollars, and will come to get you out of jail no questions asked. There is a cap on this because if you really do something bad, only family should be asked to put up property.

Redbone Of The Month April

2006-04-27T09:26:00.000-05:00

Just like most cats my age, I used to have a crush on Dawn from En Vogue, but I was sleeping on Cindy Herron. My blue ribbon committee suggested that I go old school, and I'll be damned if she wasn't the flyest when she was getting her statutory rape on as Yolonda in Juice. On some real s#it when I saw her last year at the VH-1 Hip-Hop Honors she was still looking great, and she has also made it onto my list of women over 40 who would hollered at. Just like anyone who remembered them in thier prime it would be cool to see all 4 original members of En Vogue back together or at least a Behind The Music so we can find out why they broke up in the first place.

Mr. Spielberg, don't catch a beat down

2006-04-25T13:09:00.000-05:00

Between the ages 8 and 10 I was obsessed with a toy/cartoon known as The Transformers. For the uninitiated The Transformers was about two robot armies from another planet who crash land on Earth in search of energy to save thier home planet. What made the toys/cartoon so cool were the great story lines and that the robots disguised themselves as cars, planes, and weapons hence the name Transformers. From time to time as an adult, I have revisited the television show and movie through DVD and it takes me back to when I was a kid.

Now there are things about the show my adult eyes see differently. Many of the episodes, especially towards the end of the series don't even try to hide the fact that they are 22 minute toy commercials. I love the movie, but I'm surprised George Lucas did not sue because Transformers The Movie's story is a complete rip-off of the original Star Wars trilogy crammed into 87 minutes.

Despite this I still love the series, and when I heard that a live action movie was being executive produced by Steven Spielberg and directed by Michael Bay, I was both excited and horrified. Hollywood as of late has taken many great ideas and turned them into the most craptacular waste of time $8.50 can buy.(Fantastic 4 anyone) Something just tells me the people putting this movie together are going to Jar Jar Binks this production, and try to appeal to the dumb children.

What a lot of people don't know is, people who like The Transformers REALLY like The Transformers. If this franchise is ruined by a half assed movie, Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg will replace Joel Schumacher as the most hated people in nerdom, and will find themselves unable to leave the house much like George Lucas after Episode I. These are not threats sirs, they are promises.

Some Of My Best Friends Are....

2006-04-14T12:34:00.000-05:00

I watched the series Black & White on FX from start to finish, and other than the white family’s daughter Rose, I found all of the participants useless and annoying. First of all, the black families mother was not convincing as white, she looked like one of the mothers from my chapter of Jack & Jill. Both of the fathers were so intent on seeing it their way they came away with nothing. I don’t understand why they gave the white family’s mother such a terrible looking afro wig. Let’s be real in America most Black women have perms, relaxers and weaves. Nick by far was the most annoying person on the show for more reasons than I care to type about. The show was a ratings winner so hopefully they research the personalities a little better for next season.

I’m a generation removed from state sponsored racism, but I do understand there is still racism in 2006. My generation’s experiences with everyday racist moments come more from white people’s general ignorance of black people and not mean spiritedness. Just like in real life a lot of the misunderstandings and arguments on the show Black & White came about by this racism fueled by ignorance. About six people read this blog, 2 maybe 3 of them are white. So for their benefit, here are a few things that depending on where you are will deter you from an uncomfortable racial situation and/or keep you from getting your ass beat.

If you are about to make a statement that starts off “I don’t mean to sound racist”, you are about to say something racist. It’s sort of like when an athlete goes on television and starts out his statement “It’s not about the money”. When you hear that 99 percent of the time it is about the money.

Chris Rock covered this several years ago, but do not comment on how well we speak.

Don’t change how you speak when you are talking to one of us. If you don’t use hip-hop slang around your friends please don’t talk to one of us like we are on 106 & Park. (BET’s version of TRL) It is incredibly condescending for you to greet everyone else with a “hello how are you doing” and then greet one of us with “hey homey what’s the deely yo”. While were on this, stop saying anything that ends in izzle. This sounds stupid to begin with, but really white people this goes double for you.

Do not bring up O.J. Simpson, just don’t.

If you meet a person with mostly European features (see Maya Rudolph) don’t ask them what they are. Most light skinned black people hate having their blackness questioned.

Stop trying to make a case for Eminem as the greatest rapper of all time.

It is not flattering to tell any of us that we are not like other black people. The only people who are happy to hear something like this are usually black conservatives who think that white people’s ice is colder. (See Jesse Lee Peterson & Armstrong Williams) What you are really saying is, because you are smart, well mannered and/or articulate you are an exception to the slow-witted, ignorant, unintelligent stereotypes that I have internalized, and have always believed to be true.

If you get into a jam, saying “some of my best friends are black” is not going to help you.

Do not ask to touch our hair, we are not at a muthfu%$ing petting zoo.

Last but not least, don’t ask why you can’t say the word nigga while some black people use it like it is their first name and no one seems to care. I don’t care if your into Hip-Hop, have a black wife, or are the best point guard in the western conference. You just can’t. I’ll be honest most black people cannot give you a good reason why this is, because there really is none. Just know in almost any context, you are setting yourself up for a potential ass beating, White people tend to replace the “a” with an “er”, which never has an endearing ring to it. Also every black person does not listen to rap music and watch the Dave Chappelle Show, so repeating lyrics and jokes is a minefield you may just want to steer clear of.

Return Of The Gangster

2006-04-06T22:06:00.000-05:00

I'd like to say I would give 50 million dollars on the strength of my principals, but I can't. At this point in the game if someone offered to pay off my student loans in exchange for clubbing baby seals chances are I'd get to clubbin'. Whatever strain Dave was under that had him skateboarding on the beach in Africa did not dull his wit. This audio was taken from a concert in North Carolina when he was promoting his Block Party film. He jokes about Jessica Simpson, Muslim cartoons, beating up an 11 year old, and monagamy. Get it while it's hot, remember after 7 days the links go dead. Both files are I-Pod ready.

Dave Chappelle audio part 1
Dave Chappelle audio part 2

Redbone Of The Month March

2006-03-31T21:54:00.000-06:00

I have been a fan of Amel Larrieux since she was doing her thing with Groove Theory. As fine as she is, she rarely smiles for the camera which is a shame because she has an incredible smile. Her voice has has soft power to it that I have always thought was unique and very sexy. Her music has an intelligence and earthy soul fullness that keeps her from being recognized by the masses Her third solo album entitled "Morning" will be coming out on April 25 on Bliss Life Records.

Starks Enterprise

2006-03-15T22:59:00.000-06:00

If you didn't know, one of my favorite emcees is Ghostface Killa 1/9 of the Mighty Wu-Tang Clan. Because of politics and suckas at the label some of his best work was not put on his albums. Here are three such joints that I have been keeping in rotation in anticipation of his upcoming Def Jam release Fishscale. Enjoy these while studying your arts.

The Sun feat. Reakwon & Slick Rick
Good Times
The Watch

Renaissance Man

2006-03-07T21:55:00.000-06:00

I hope this is not something I have to do a regular basis, but one of the great artists of our time just passed. Gordon Parks was a photographer for Life Magazine documenting the tragedies and triumphs of black America. He created a black superhero named Shaft who's influence is still seen in mainstream film today. Previous to that he wrote and directed a movie called The Learning Tree that was loosely based on his childhood in Kansas dealing with racsism. I could go on and on about the things he has done, but I'd rather express an impression he left on me during a documentary. The film was about him, the late Ossie Davin and Melvin Van Peebles and thier impact in film. Warrington Hudlin asked them about women's impact on thier lives. Gordon speaks briefly about being married three times and they show seperate pictures of him with all three wives. What left an impression on me was that Gordon, who divorced wife number three in 1979 held no bitterness towards any of them and in subsequent interviews with them they hold no bitterness towards him. In fact there was a photo of him and all three wives standing together and smiling. I may never direct a film or be published in a magazine, but hopefully the women I've loved in my life would readily stand with me and smile when my hair turns grey. If that is not a testament to living a good life I don't know what is.

Hard Like A Criminal!!!

2006-03-05T01:33:00.000-06:00

Here is a picture if me in the early 80's when my pimp hand was just becoming strong, after putting away my Fisher Price "My First Nines". On a serious note I've been a doing this blog thing for a couple of months, and I never really introduced myself. Here are a few bullet points that will give you a little insight into who I am and how I think. Some of the points are upcoming blog entries.

I have never seen "The Passion" and have no plans to

Videogames are good for marriages

George Bush is to America what Senator Palpatine is to the Republic

I watch too much TV

Gay marriage is good for America

Celebrity marriage is bad America

I get my best sleep on couches

Pimping really is not easy

People who really like music have already given up on terrestrial radio

My best friend is white

I have never owned a pair of Air Jordan's

Dangermouse's Grey Album was not that good

I would vote for the right Republican

Dying alone in jail is "keeping it gangsta"

Commercial rap is ruining the expectations of black children

I love shapely women

No wealthy man should be poorly dressed

I am an XBOX loyalist

We are being gouged on the price of gas

I have been in love three times

If you could make Grey Goose in your house, it would be illeagal

America would be a third world country without slavery

I am bald for real, not by choice

Redbone Of The Month February

2006-02-25T01:10:00.000-06:00

Being Redbone of the month is an honor that opens the door to so much. Last months honoree is on the cover of Essence and in a hit movie, so the future looks very bright for Hoopz. She has gained her fame from the VH-1 show The Flavor Of Love. Members of my selection committee met her during All Star weekend and let me know she was cool in person, and that is what put her over the top.

We Could All Be Reading A Book

2006-02-21T23:10:00.000-06:00

Like most people I have many guilty pleasures. These are things that I enjoy which are a complete waste of time and have little to no redeeming value. Here are few examples of things I enjoy that perhaps will lower your opinion of me.

THE FLAVOR OF LOVE

For those of you who have never seen this show, it is a variation on "The Bachelor". Only on this show most of the women have more serious self esteem problems and even less shame. A sign of the coming of the rapture is seeing women fight over one of the ugliest/luckiest men on the planet. As much as I enjoy this foolishness I catch the replay, because I'll be damned if I miss Grey's Anatomy to watch Flav take a bath with a stripper.

THE MAURY POVICH SHOW

This guy has had a show for while now, but in the last few years he has really hit his stride with the paternity show. This is where a woman will get on stage and claim that the only man that she has ever slept got her pregnant and refuses to claim the baby. She then proceeds to yell at the man and the audience until Maury opens the envelope with the results. This is where the magic happens because most of the time Maury tells the young lady that the guy is not the father. The woman then usually proceeds to get several more free trips to New York by bringing the other seven or so men who were her first on the show. There are variations of the paternity show such as "I cheated the baby may not be yours" and "Your uncle may really be your daddy. On paper this sounds even more trifling than it looks on TV, and sadly I can't get enough.

THE AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE

I can't even explain the concept of this show. I have tried and only get strange looks from even my closest friends. If catch the right episode you will be hooked, because it is wickedly funny.

LET'S GET IT:THUG MOTIVATION 101

Young Jeezy embodies almost everything that is wrong with modern Hip-Hop. His lyrics are one dimensional and celebrate the worst things about about my people and the culture. That said this was one of my favorite albums of 2005, and was in the changer next to Common's Be and Little Brother's The Minstrel Show. A friend of mine put it best when he said "even though I eat healthy I sometimes enjoy junkfood and musically Young Jezzy was the best junkfood that came out last year. On a serious note those snow man t-shirts are the most ignorant thing to be born out of the culture. Big Pooh of LB put is best when he said "did crack need a mascot"?

Touch The Sky

2006-02-11T02:48:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was a very sad day for real Hip-Hop fans when James Yancey a.k.a Jay Dee a.k.a. J Dilla passed away in LA from kidney failure. Many of you are unaware of his importance because his music was not a proper backdrop for the foolishness that is passed off as our culture on the radio everyday. I decided to go into my vault and pull out some remixes and intrumentals and share Dilla's legacy. I'm only going to leave them up for a week so get them now. Tommorow really is not promised.
Jay Dee-Think Twice
Slum Village-Fall In Love (Remix)
JayLib-Follow Me (Outtake)
Maxwell-Ascension (Remix)
Common-Thelonius
Ahmad Jamal-Swahililand (De La Soul Stakes Is High Sample)
JayLib-Starz
Vivian Green-Fanatic (Remix)
Common feat. Erykah Badu-The Light (Remix)

A Free Mixtape!!!

2006-02-01T19:04:00.000-06:00

I have been doing mixtapes for a while now. Not all of them see the light of day, but Soulternative 4 is probably my favorite, which is why I am sharing it with the world. Well perhaps not the world but the people who check out my new blog. For those of you who have never heard one of my mixes, Soulternative is a mix of soul and Hip-Hop for those who are not into what is passed off on the radio as soul and Hip-Hop. I created a radio show based on the mixtapes which can still be heard today. I call the music Soulternative because I always felt neo-soul was a stupid term that does not mean anything used by people who don't know anything about music, kind of like gangsta rap.

Everything is set up perfectly to work with I-Tunes and your I-Pod. If you have a half way decent broadband connection the download should take about 13 min.

Download, enjoy, and share:
SOULTERNATIVE 4 Rapidshare

SOULTERNATIVE 4 Yousendit new

A President My Generation Can Get Behind

2006-02-01T01:45:00.000-06:00

Happy Black History Month everyone, I watched the State of The Union address last night, and I thought it was a nice gesture that President Bush opened by honoring Coretta Scott King considering he does not like black people. When I watch politicians on TV I listen between the words so for those of you who missed the entire affair here is the Cleland Notes breakdown of what the President said.

1. We are going to be in Iraq get used to it.
2. I’m still cool with Saudi Arabia
3. Iran, don’t make me get a switch.
4. Gas is going to stay at or above 2$ a gallon, get used to it.
5. Left wing pundits, watch your mouths.
6. I wire tapped once and I’ll do it again. (Stop Snitchin’)
7. Things are not as bad as they seem. (Stop Bitchin')

I also like to watch how the camera moves in correlation with what President Bush says. Example: During his kind words in tribute to Mrs. King the camera happens to focus on John Conyers, then Jesse Jackson Jr. and top of with a Shot of Secretary Rice. I don’t blame the President for this because everyone in television does it. In fact, I expect to be sick of Jerome Bettis’ family by the end of the Super Bowl. That said, the Super Bowl is supposed to be entertainment. When this happens too many times during an event such as a Presidential Address, it borders on well-choreographed propaganda. Now I don’t know if every network did this. I watched the Fox News feed because it had American Idol as a lead in. For those of you who don’t know, Fox News is a network specifically for those with a red state of mind. They were the also the only network I observed to have a two second delay on the President’s address. I don’t want to say there is anything suspicious about that. I will leave that to other more cynical minds, but I’m sure it was not for fear of G.W. dropping F-bombs, which actually would have been pretty cool.

Stop Giving Homeless People Money

2006-01-27T00:03:00.000-06:00

Over the recent holiday season I was making my rounds in the U-City Loop when a homeless man approached me. I knew I was in for it because he started off by telling me he did not need a ride, what? After we get that out of the way he goes into a story about how he had survived a stabbing, and that the person who did it has been convicted. At this point I really wish he would get to the point. Sensing that I was growing impatient he asked if he could get seven dollars to get a room for the night and three meals. (Side note: If anyone can tell me where to get 3 hots and a cot for seven dollars or less other than jail please let me know) I told myself that I’m not coming off any money, but it was Christmas time and I had not really given any change to the bell ringers so I broke the guy off a couple of dollars. As I am about to be on my way he pulls the Jesus card to try and get 5 more bucks out of me. This always tugs at me a bit because of a play I saw in church when I was younger about having compassion towards your fellow man as if they were Jesus…or something like that; it was a long time ago. I just don’t want to get to the pearly gates and have Jesus bring up how I wouldn’t give him any money for a two-piece dark with biscuit. Anyway back to the homeless guy, he says in the name of Jesus I should give him some more money. At this point, I had had enough and I say “in the name of Jesus you’re only getting two dollars", and I keep it moving.

Now that one experience was not enough to sour me on helping my fellow man. Donald Trump inspired me to stop giving people on the street money. I was watching this documentary on cable about children who are born into obscene wealth. They interview Trump’s youngest daughter and she tells a story about how her and her father saw a street person in the early nineties. She explained how her father pointed to the man and said “that man has two billion dollars more than me” For those of you who don’t remember at that time Donald Trump was going thru bankruptcy at that time. Now I certainly can’t liken my financial situation to that of Donald Trump, but between student loans and credit cards the guy I gave two dollars to has about twenty-five thousand dollars more than me.

I know that is some cold-blooded logic, but I said I would not give money away. If you are a homeless person with a hustle then perhaps we can work something out. In St. Louis somehow the homeless put out their own newspaper, which I always buy. Nobody hustles like the Chicago homeless. I’ve heard stories about how they will try and sell you everything from batteries to baby clothes. The last time I was there they tried to sell me a six-pack of white tube sox. Unfortunately I only had my check card on me. Now that I think about it, that is what I will tell people who want me to give them money from now on.

Redbone Of The Month January

2006-01-26T22:49:00.000-06:00

I know, I know of all the things I could begin my blog with why this? Well first of all I am a fan of beautiful women of all shades. Second I feel a lot of my lighter sisters get a raw deal. Sure they have the benefit of being closer to that Eurocentic standard of beauty that many of us have been conditioned by, but many of us are so victimized by our conditioning that we go above and beyond the call of duty to prove that our conditioning has not been conditioned. It's not just the fellas either. Where is your tribute to light skinned men India Arie, hmmmm? Uh huh Exactly.

Now that I got that out of my system. Here is this month's honoree Rochelle Aytes. She was in White Chicks and will be in Madea's Family Reunion later this year.